Richard the Third: Questions Remain

Last year, the University of Leicester compiled a list of celebrities who would have enjoyed Haribo sweets had they not died before they were invented (1920). Amongst others, the list includes Voltaire, Oscar Wilde, Friar Tuck, and Plato. The Daily Telegraph called it, and I’m parapraising here, “the most astonishing, detailed and awe inspiring list since some shit went down at Mount Sainai,”  adding “and that was fucking ages ago!” On the list of those who would definitely not enjoy Haribo was, rather unsurprisingly, Charles Dickens who would have used the sweets to suggest wealth, cunning and what Dickens often called “general Jewiness”. “Oliver Twist” would have been very different with Fagin luring children in with Starmix and possibly even Tangfastics, quite literally changing the face of English literature forever. On this discovery, the university ran a computer simulation of all the drawings in Oliver Twist finding, had Haribo existed, the famous illustration of Fagin would have looked like this:

 

Having recently discovered the remains of King Richard the Third under a car park, the next question puzzling professors at Leicester is, would he have enjoyed Haribo sweets? Experts are currently disagreeing with evidence pointing in both directions: